Who are your love, heart, family and work anchors? And how to become a b...

How to increase your personal power and self-worth.

How to love negative people and continue to be a positive person

How to love yourself

There are many books and courses that encourage us to love ourselves. This is a wonderful shift in human consciousness.

Still, on a practical level how do we do this successfully? In my case, I used numerous strategies in an attempt to change my consciousness.

After badmouthing myself for decades, I listened to my take on life and shut down all the bad talk. If I said a negative or disparaging comment regarding who I was, I immediately acknowledged it, and stopped letting it manifest.

Every day, I listed all my good points in my head. I did ten of them at a time. The next day, I listed ten new ones. This became a method of self-talk. I also used Emotional Freedom Tapping (EFT) to remove outdated messages that I had been playing over and over in my head. If you are interested in EFT, you can find a lot of information about it on the Internet.

A practical exercise I did was making myself stand in front of the mirror and telling myself that I loved all of me, including the parts I wrestled with. Of all the modalities I used, this one brought up the most emotion. Frequently, until I filled up my self-love bucket, I would simply stand there crying and sometimes, I was unable to speak. During these moments, I realized how amazing the process was, and how much I needed to do it repeatedly.

In addition, I wrote lists of all my gifts and accomplishments and read them aloud. There is something quite phenomenal about voicing your thoughts and feelings. Somehow, it takes the healing to another place. If you then read out your list to another person, the impact is greater. The healing we gain from this simple process is much more than we know.

In reinventing the new me, I decided to surround myself only with people who nurtured me. Those who could not, I avoided or stood up to. In the situations where I could do neither, I chose to take their awful comments and symbolically throw their words into the fire.

Looking after who we are is self-love, and keeping negativity at bay is a good decision.

Anyone who tries to sow the seed of doubt in you or withholds their support is not giving you love. Normally, these souls have little self-love and may find it almost impossible to give love to anyone, and that will include you.

I focused on looking after my body, mind, and soul. With that decision, my self-love increased and instead of berating and punishing myself, I showered myself in self-love. In addition, eating well, exercising, keeping mentally active, having social and solitary time, and generally being the best parent and friend to myself paid dividends.

As I continued to work on the areas I wished to improve, I came from a loving angle, encouraging and praising myself and getting rid of any form of self-loathing or self-punishment.

On a spiritual level, I filled my body with love and asked to be guided in this wondrous journey. I read books that inspired me, talked to wise souls and stopped negatively comparing who I was with other people.

This shift took concentrated work yet all the time, I knew it was doing me good. Initially, it was hard to see the changes. Gradually, they appeared.

All these steps have brought me to a place where I can truthfully say that I love who I am. This has been a massive achievement, especially considering where I began.

Everyone can attain self-love. With daily practise and single focus, someone who dislikes themselves can change their entire life.

When we learn this lesson in love, it transfers into everything else. Being in a state of self-love, our capacity to love everybody and everything in the world is heightened.

Use my methods, use your methods, and keep working towards a new loving life. One of the greatest accomplishments humans can do is to embrace who they are and live in self-love.

There is a podcast on this too on YouTube...see below or https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moM1Evqi7iQ&list=PLgn-jwYyuvEgojzl57zw7ZBEfzWlbOBy_&index=2&t=7s.

Love, Wendy x

How to love selfish people and spoilt brats ( adult and child versions)

How to recognise and release your love blocks

How to love others when they withhold love

Healing a lonely heart

How to evolve in love and become more loving

How to connect to others and give them attention in a loving way

Investing in love

How to forgive others and yourself

Connecting down the layers ....from 'It's all about romantic relationships".

When we initially meet someone, we connect on the first layer. The first layer may be exciting, and our interest spiked so we wish to continue meeting. The subjects we speak about may be superficial, but not always. With certain people we quickly communicate in a meaningful way.

As the relationship develops we begin to filter down into the layers, further and further down. Problems may surface as we move down the layers. Knowing someone on level one may feel unlike knowing them on level ten. This is a natural and healthy progression in our relationships from romantic ones to friendships. 

Initially, we may not recognize the layers and their impact. We come from diverse genetic and environmental backgrounds, besides having our individual personalities. It is normal to strike aspects of each other that we neither understand nor possibly like. However, when we face this, it is not necessary to give up on our relationship. 

The deeper the layers, the more chance there may be for discord. The challenge is to embrace the dissimilarities and remain in a healthy space. In my marriage, we would hit layers in which we could not see eye to eye. At first, we tried to convince and change each other's mind, but it was to no avail. Then we accepted that on this layer, we differed. We might be able to put up with a differing opinion on smoking yet have no leeway with a stance on drugs. 

Numerous differences may have to be acknowledged as we moved through our layers of "getting to know us." The layers present obstacles, or opportunities for growth or change. 

Empowering relationships embrace and foster difference. Our partner does not always have to believe or agree with our point of view. 

We may agree to disagree.

In some partnerships, we may only be prepared to absorb so many layers before ending it. It is a shame because having conquered and sorted out layer five may bring us to layer six in which we have more commonalities. Not all the layers present problems. 

There is always something new to learn about the person we live with. As time passes, we change and as does our bias and knowledge bank. Perhaps what we could not cope with as a thirty-year-old may be different in our sixties. Age can bring understanding and a wider view. Getting older does not mean that we have to become less flexible. It is stubbornness and an unwillingness to grow, not age that is the real source of inflexibility.

With the massive changes in our world, we may be challenged every day to expand our consciousness and outlook.

Relationships are like rivers that twist, divert, and change. Be open to the changes as we sail deeper into our togetherness, while seeking to find healthy and loving solutions. 

Happy Mother's Day ...Loving your mum and being a mum

Healing from a broken heart

New link

Here is my new YouTube post on surviving grief

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCC-dTXOuihBeh5bRr1VR5aA

The give and take of love....from "It's all about.....Love

When we love another, there is give and take. There has to be a balance for everything to function well. During particular times, there will be imbalances but these are usually righted. We can’t only be the giver or the taker.

A love partnership allows us to experience give and take more than any other union. Giving works well and everyone wants to show their love. Time is given, gifts are given, and kind gestures are made. At the beginning of new unions, the giving propels the relationship ahead. The depth of the exchange can be quite phenomenal. People can shelter others, give them money, and do extraordinary acts in the name of love.

Nonetheless, in love partnerships there can be a discrepancy in this area.

First, let's look at the givers. Although givers are great at giving, they are notoriously poor at receiving and this makes balance impossible. As soon as we give them something or help them, they have a compulsion to pay us back. If this sounds like you, maybe it is time to change that aspect of your behavior. With me, it came from feeling unworthy of receiving. There was also an element of control on my part, a feeling that by letting another give to me meant that I was not in control. After working on my issues, it has become easier on both counts. Still, I had to see why I was uncomfortable with this process and then decide to alter my response.

Parents are notoriously bad in this department, especially with their adult children. They give only to be taken on a family ride. No one forces us to give. Generally, the decades of giving to our children set us up for being treated in this way. For one person to give when another gives little or nothing is a kind of abuse. Generally, this keeps happening when we fail to understand what is occurring and consequently, fail to balance it.

When we love others, it is necessary to be clear-sighted. Everyone has their own measure of give and take; we need to be mindful of who is putting in and who is taking.

Love is a two-way action in its purest form. With children and young teens, we expect the balance to go their way. Whereas, in adult relationships we have to respond differently. We need to seek balance. Some of our loved ones will never face their part in giving, and regrettably, at every opportunity, they will take. In these circumstances, all we can do is not to be blind-sided.

Take a moment and look around at your circle of loved ones. Next, figure out how this give and take dynamic is operating in your world. Are you always giving? Are they always taking? Which relationships are too lopsided? Which relationships are quite balanced? Where are the imbalances?

Everyone is entitled to give as much as they choose. Everyone is entitled to take as much as they want and that is where the giver needs to establish a new order. If we don’t want to be taken, then we must make the decision not to let ourselves be. It could be as simple as not giving until the other party gives back, or only giving when we can cope with the disappointment of not receiving in return.

Although we all want to be wonderful generous souls who never count the cost, we don’t want to be used. There is a fine line between the two parts of our nature. We need to maintain our ability to give, while considering our need for self-love and self-worth. We also need to nurture ourselves, not only others, in our quest to be loving and giving individuals.

When it comes to receiving, everyone has their own learning. Some live to get and have no conscience in taking the last piece of cake. Frequently, these people show themselves if we choose to see. With them, we have to be on red alert and hide our stuff. We might have to make sure they take their wallet when we go out for dinner, or we will be paying the bill. They are takers, but we don’t have to dance to their tune. We must be realistic with loved ones who habitually take, and set limits with them.

Making boundaries will stop anger from festering and discourage them to a degree. We must not let ourselves be manipulated into handing over money or being roped into doing their work, unless it suits us. Normally, takers are skilled at getting what they want.

Entitlement features high with takers. Somewhere in their psyche they truly believe that the world owes them and of course, so do we! Entitlement is a strange and fairly entrenched aspect of their personality. From their perspective, it validates all their actions and justifies what they do. Givers have no entitlement issues. They give and tend to stand back rather than push their agenda. For givers, entitlement smacks of selfishness, and they are uncomfortable with that behavior.