The four relationships...from "Staying in Love "

The four relationships

Having our four relationships work is the way to happiness. If we find one part is failing all we have to do is to work on getting it back into balance.

In every relationship, there are four parts.

They include two individual relationships and two couple relationships. A romantic partnership, a friendship and family one would all have the four parts operating, or trying to operate. When people acknowledge and function within the four aspects, their partnerships are balanced and harmonious.  

Firstly, there are the two separate relationships. We will call these the individual relationships. In a marriage, I am standing as one person in a relationship with me, and my partner stands as one person in a relationship with himself.

Next as a couple there will be two more relationships. There is a dual couple relationship with both of us in it. Therefore, I will have a relationship with my partner, and he will have a relationship with me.

People rarely see that all relationships have this pattern. That is why many of us struggle in some relationships. For instance, our parents seldom see that beyond the relationship they have with us, and we have with them, there is the one we have with ourselves individually, and they have with themselves. Many parents fail to see our individual lives.

For the relationship to function well, the four sections have to work. This insight helped me not only to recognize the four areas but also to recognize where it was not working so well. Then I could tackle it, and help set it right.    

The more we understand that we have these four aspects of our relationship the greater is our chance of maintaining balance and harmony. 

In following blogs I will expand on this concept. Love, Wendy x

Needs and wants

In all of our relationships there is a struggle between our needs and our wants.

A need is what we cannot live without. A want is something we can live without yet wish we had.

In life, knowing what we need and what we want will help us to sort out the very source of who we are.

It is futile to tell others that they are not fulfilling our needs, without being able to be clear in ourselves what these needs are. Try to make a list of your needs. Is it more physical contact, more mental stimulation, more romance, more nurturing, more emotional connection? What are your needs?

Honestly, until we can be clear about our non-negotiable needs how can the other person know and understand? And when I use the word non-negotiable I mean the very heart of what we can't live happily without.

Once you have figured out the list look at how these needs can be met. Then make a time to discuss it. Ask the other person to also make up their list and together you can work towards a more positive outcome.

Naturally, our needs can sometimes be the same but often they will be very different. We are individuals and therefore we will come from different places.

Usually when our needs are being met we are happy; however, when they are not the relationship begins to flounder and fail.

Love in a relationship is the ability to meet the other person's needs while retaining our own integrity.

This simple exercise will bring clarity and healing to every relationship and help to move it to the next level of love and awareness.

Love, Wendy x