When we initially meet someone, we connect on the first
layer. The first layer may be exciting, and our interest spiked so we wish to
continue meeting. The subjects we speak about may be superficial, but not
always. With certain people we quickly communicate in a meaningful way.
As the relationship develops we begin to filter down into
the layers, further and further down. Problems may surface as we move down the
layers. Knowing someone on level one may feel unlike knowing them on level ten.
This is a natural and healthy progression in our relationships from romantic
ones to friendships.
Initially, we may not recognize the layers and their impact. We come from diverse genetic and environmental backgrounds,
besides having our individual personalities. It is normal to strike aspects of
each other that we neither understand nor possibly like. However, when we face
this, it is not necessary to give up on our relationship.
The deeper the layers, the more chance there may be for
discord. The challenge is to embrace the dissimilarities and remain in a
healthy space. In my marriage, we would hit layers in which we could not see eye to eye. At
first, we tried to convince and change each other's mind, but it was to no
avail. Then we accepted that on this layer, we differed. We might be able to put up with a
differing opinion on smoking yet have no leeway with a stance on drugs.
Numerous differences may have to be acknowledged as we moved
through our layers of "getting to know us." The layers present obstacles,
or opportunities for growth or change.
Empowering relationships embrace and foster difference. Our
partner does not always have to believe or agree with our point of view.
We
may agree to disagree.
In some partnerships, we may only be prepared to absorb so
many layers before ending it. It is a shame because having conquered and sorted
out layer five may bring us to layer six in which we have more commonalities.
Not all the layers present problems.
There is always something new to learn about the person we
live with. As time passes, we change and as does our bias and knowledge bank.
Perhaps what we could not cope with as a thirty-year-old may be different in
our sixties. Age can bring understanding and a wider view. Getting older does
not mean that we have to become less flexible. It is stubbornness and an unwillingness to grow, not age that is the real
source of inflexibility.
With the massive changes in our world, we may be challenged
every day to expand our consciousness and outlook.
Relationships are like rivers that twist, divert, and change. Be open
to the changes as we sail deeper into our togetherness, while seeking to find
healthy and loving solutions.
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