Three things we need for a good romance

There are three important things we all need for a successful loving relationship.
They are love, chemistry and compatibility.
When there is trouble in paradise usually one or more of these is missing or diminishing.
Now being in love is crucial and even though we all love somewhat differently being in love about the same amount works best.
Next comes chemistry that wonderful electric connection which involves attraction and sexuality. It is often what propels the relationship forward at the start.
Lastly, is being able to live and spend time happily in one another's world. Romantic relationships still require this element because most of our day is not spent in bed. Yes, I know what you were thinking!
When we begin to have problems it can come from one of these areas. Try to look at your relationship from these three places. Then you can fix up or give more attention to the flagging area.
Remember that you might both be struggling in the same area or maybe have completely different areas to one another.  For you, it might be the chemistry one while for them it could be the love section.
Speak to each other in truth and try to find ways to improve things.
If you have had a good relationship it is worth the effort to make it even better. True love is patient and tries to give the other person what they need. 

Emotional Intimacy

Intimacy is a private and shared experience with only two or a few people. By its very nature, intimacy is a chosen response and relies on a close relationship and secure foundation of trust. Usually, an intimate emotional response will not be taken on lightly and there has to be a high level of trust before people commit. 

While emotional connection is like a wide all-encompassing action, emotional intimacy is a smaller, closed one. We might be emotionally attached to our boss and discuss a general emotional issue about one of his kids. However, emotional intimacy regarding our flagging marriage would not be appropriate. That intimate information might be best shared with a close friend or supportive family member.

In a romantic relationship, emotional intimacy is paramount. It is what separates this partnership from many others. It is where we can say exactly how we feel without making excuses for our reactions or for regard to any social expectations. There is great freedom when it comes to emotional intimacy. In this place, all emotions are valid, even the disagreeable ones. 

Intimacy needs a base of trust and equal standing for those involved.

If only one person shares emotional intimacy everything becomes unbalanced. Normally there is one individual who finds emotional intimacy easier to stand in while the other only steps in occasionally. To me, for it to work long term both people have to participate. The degree is not as significant as both being part of the process.

Now intimacy is a swear word for many of us. It brings up all kinds of fear and resistance.

Every relationship will have their own kind of intimacy. Some will encompass it completely while others might have a “faraway” type of intimacy. It really matters less how much is present. Ultimately, it is the match that ensures success.

Partnerships that share emotional intimacy can fair better is the long run. With this connection there is less chance of slipping away from one another. Life is consuming at times but with a firm connection we can hold on strong and weather the challenges. 

Emotional intimacy is sharing in a place of trust. Without a big dose of trust this unique bond will not work.

Tears simply cleanse our soul. Like rain, they wash away the old and allow new growth to come.

Much love, Wendy x

Emotional connection

The emotional relationship pertains to emotional connection and to intimacy. Now even though they might have similar aspects each one is quite different.

Emotional connection means we relate on an emotional level.

 It is less about how we think and more about how we feel. 

In a conversation, we can be connecting to our own feelings and relaying how we are feeling, or we can be connecting to the other person’s emotions and trying to understand how they are feeling.  Empaths are brilliant in this area.

When we talk to our partner about how we are feeling we are experiencing two processes. In one, we are revealing how the situation has made us feel. In the other, we are receiving a response from the other person to what we said. 

There can be a couple of responses. I have noticed that women are more likely to respond from an emotional place and connect with how we are feeling. They may also offer advice or relay a similar event in their lives to parallel our story.

Some men tend to skip the emotional part and begin to use a mental approach to the situation. Mostly, they will problem solve. There is nothing wrong with problem solving. However, it is a head process, whereas emotional connection is more about feelings and allowing them simply to be. 

For example, if your partner is venting about work or crying about the loss of her friend then connecting mentally will not be connecting to her at the level she needs. You will be on the mental floor while she is down on the emotional floor. There will be a separation. 

This is why no satisfaction is gained by either person. The partner wanting emotional connection does not get it and the partner giving mental solutions feels that their ideas are being rejected.

When a person comes to you for emotional connection, connect there. It is just a matter of relating to them from an emotional angle. You don’t have to fix it, solve it, or shut it down. Be quiet and listen. Pretty easy, actually.

With this emotional approach we simply give the other person an emotional space for them to express themselves. Letting another person speak out and cry or vent is a gift of love. Without judgment or problem solving we let them feel exactly how they feel.

There is no better emotional healing than just being there.

For us this method can be quite challenging because our initial instincts kick in; however, it is learning for us as well. To be quiet and allow the other person to find their own answers in the space.